I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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