i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
