was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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