Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
