return my video game
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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