i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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