Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.

(614): View more from Ohio

Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.

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(614): There is a man walking 2 goats through the city. (614): Bonus: only one of them was on a leash. http://tfl.nu/ht0h

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did

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(910): Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did http://tfl.nu/f390

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(337): View more from Louisiana

but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?

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(337): but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp? http://tfl.nu/p1my

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(801): View more from Utah

I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

(1-801): View more from Utah

We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

(801): View more from Utah

I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

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(801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc

Replies (31) Good night (6901) Bad night (608)
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(206): View more from Washington

you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

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(206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght

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(361): View more from Texas

is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

(702): View more from Nevada

not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

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(361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz

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(310): View more from California

Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone

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(310): Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone http://tfl.nu/koze

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(404): View more from Georgia

Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.

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(404): Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge. http://tfl.nu/3ppt

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(785): View more from Kansas

I booty called her while she was in labor.

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(785): I booty called her while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/82pd

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed

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(250): Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed http://tfl.nu/yyfl

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(205): View more from Alabama

Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails

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(205): Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails http://tfl.nu/p7in

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(319): View more from Iowa

Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?

(1-319): View more from Iowa

Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.

(319): View more from Iowa

Thanks bro

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(319): Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement? (1-319): Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice. (319): Thanks bro http://tfl.nu/7e10

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(504): View more from Louisiana

She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.

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(504): She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv. http://tfl.nu/57s8

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(276): View more from Virginia

I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....

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(276): I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra.... http://tfl.nu/gorr

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.

(817): View more from Texas

I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot

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(270): The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys. (817): I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot http://tfl.nu/5unc

Replies (2) Good night (1247) Bad night (566)

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