Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
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you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
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Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.