The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Terrible idea I love it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower