Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My balls are so social today.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night