Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
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btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
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I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...