So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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