Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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