TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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