Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
