either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
