Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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