Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
