Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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