i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
