My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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