Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
