I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
