Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(618): View more from Illinois

It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.

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(786): View more from Florida

He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him

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