he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten