I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.