what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
