I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?