70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.