We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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