so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize