Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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