Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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