You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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