i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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