I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
