Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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