eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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