yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
