My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
COCAINE IS GR8
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
