some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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