we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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