Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
