Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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