And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
