can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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