I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
