i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
