So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
