Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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