you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
