i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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