i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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