Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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