Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
