That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
