I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
