You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
