After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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