she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her