I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
