I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
