She is in my trunk
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
