i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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