I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
