well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
