Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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