ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
