I think I won the penis lottery.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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