I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
