my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
