when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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