I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
