yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
