if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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