The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
