At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize