I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
