he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
