He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
