bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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