he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
