Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
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Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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